you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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