Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
