It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
