Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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