I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
