he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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