I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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