okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
