he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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