dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
