i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
