All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
