there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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