We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
