Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
