and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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