the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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