I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
