It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
