I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
