were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
