i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You left your phone here
Wait...
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