Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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