Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
