so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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