Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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