She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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