he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
