There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
