last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
