He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
