we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No subtext here. People are naked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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