I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
