I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
