I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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