I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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