That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
