why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
