ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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