So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
