well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
