non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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