Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
