Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
