I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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