matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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