You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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