There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
