Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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