I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
